|
i am so lost and alone
Monday, Apr. 07, 2003 - 12:14 a.m.
this week has finally come to an end. lots has happend, its incredible how a good dosage of familiar and warm faces can screw up the life you have made for yourself. and when i say that, i mean that in the best way possible.when i left vancouver to start my brand new life in toronto, i didn't realize how much closure i actually had to make. i had to close myself off to everything about vancouver. the familiar stops, the minoru track i drive by everyday, memories of my tennis club, my beautiful jeep, the drive to my house, everything. it was all locked out of my head and replaced by big city images of toronto, nights at fly and daniels house. when charlie and allan arrived, the first few days were absolutey perfect, it was as if i had never ever left vancouver, my apartment, the place where they were staying, no longer seemed like an apartment, rather a hotel room. it felt like we were all on a big road trip, some vacation away from home. but that was precisely the problem. i soon realized that htis was home. i cant go back when they go back, when they leave, when all the fun is gone, i still have to stay here. i am here. right now, im in my empty apartment. nothing but the echoing of the television throughout the empty hall. things with vince are perfect, they seem a little to perfect, i am trying not to think to much into it. i dont want to ruin something so special. i find things he does now to be very cute. i havne't really felt like this before i think, he's my baby. i feel so alone right now, i thought i was past this. i want to cry, i want to go with allan to australia. i want to go to sydney. what have i gotten myself into? i have 5 semesters to go. am i really ready for all that is to come? joeseph? what do i want?
|