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an eternal pain
Thursday, Feb. 06, 2003 - 8:46 a.m.
this feeling of heart ache has unfortuately become all to familliar. And the truely sad isn't the fact that daniel told me yesterday that things just arent going to work out, but that with each time i go through something like this, it takes me less time to forget, less effort to dis regard, less reason to feel. i am becoming colder, and i have been able to distance my self from feeling.so here is my story. Boy moves to toronto (me), boy meets boy introduced by mutual friend to show him around the city because he's home sick (daniel), two boys hit it off completely. this is all about 1 month ago? daniel is 23, he's an assistant manager at the university of york recreational center, and he used his charm to get close to my heart. it worked. But it wasn't before to long that i realized something wasn't quite rite. there was first of all the fact that he kept on calling me tyko.. tyko.... that really through me off, why would he do that? turns out tyko was his ex boyfriend of 2 years who tore out his heart, stepped on it and turned it into pudding all infront of him. and, to make things even better, everyrthing i did apparently reminded him of tyko. he told me yesterday that its just tooo hard for him to deal with, he cant be involved me because i bring back to many hurtful memories, i guess the ones that he has tried so hard to repress...his resentment for his ex lover reared its ugly head on me, innocent boy from vancouver. its not so much thta i feel hurt, its more, i feel like i was robbed. i think it could have been really great with him. im not sure what is going to happen, im not going to sit here and wait for him, i've gone through way too much for him to do that, the only problem remains that as of right now, i dont really feel any interest in any of the other guys that i was dating. hopefully that will change. it will be hard for me to look at daniel as anything less then a third rate friend, maybe i should tell him that what he did reminds me too much of ian. i wonder how he would take that
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