I figured it out
Tuesday, Sept. 24, 2002 - 2:07 a.m.

I basially messaged him on msn to say hi, becuz ihaven't seen him for so long, and what turned was to be a quick hello turned into a long long long conversation about the state of my feelings towards him. That is, i still have them. Can you believe that? but it makes sense. i really can say that the intimatcy that we did have for that breif period now seems to mean alot more to me then i ever thought it could have before. And i can't help but feel awful for how i screwed it up. Adam claims that it wasn't me, but when you put the cards on the table, how can u expect someone to like u after u do something like that to them? So we were talking, and at first, i didn't even know what i was talking about, i just had this sudden urge to tell him that i was genuinely sorry for the way i treated him before. I mean, this isn't this sappy shit that it sounds like it is, like i really really wanted to say i was sorry. anyways, that got onto me realizing that , apparenlty, i still have feeligns for him. I think they've always been there, i just never really saw them until know, when, lets call him, sean, is introduced into the plot line. SO being the freak that i am, i sum how manage to make sense of the whole matter by comparing it to a movie. not just any movie, but my BEST FRIENDS wedding kind of movie. So sean is kimmy, adam is billy, and guess who i am?? just guess

I get to be Julia Roberts, the rude abnoxious girl from newyork that nobody ends up wanting, Yup, ain't life grand?

its very strange, i feel so comfortable in being able to just write all of this down, and not feel embarassed or a bit cautious at all. Its like im becomoing this big, logical machine where i look at things just for their face value, and be very black and whtie about everything, who does that remind u of?