|
My imperfection
Sunday, Jul. 14, 2002 - 1:11 p.m.
there is something incredibly irregular about my body's daily fluxuations. I was 142 pounds two days ago, that is not good news. So after a day of binge eating yesterday, i am now back to 146 pounds. I think i've realized now (after hours of talks with sarah) that i have SEVERE problems in body image. Sarah wants me to go to this work shop for ppl who have "B-I problems" (body image) and i think i might give it a go. seriously, i was just looking at a few entries from this past month, and all of them had some wierd rant about how i was unhappy about this..or that, or something about my weight, whether i was too heavy ..or too light.. It shouldn't, SHOULDN'T, even be an issue. I should be enjoying my life, shouldn't I? On a side note, i think im going to be single FOREVER. Do you know why? i lose interest incredibly easily. no, for real. Like, its hard enough for me to find a guy im legitemedly (so spelled wrong) attracted too, and once i do? no matter how pretty he is, how close to perfect? i find lots of FLaws. He's to annoying, he chews his food funny, he smiles wierd, he doesn't have enough money, he's a little to skinny, his legs are too hairy in comparison to the rest of his body. Yes my friends, that is how messed up i am. I'll be the first one to admit that I am not even close to being close to being close to being near the viscinity of being even near perfect. so what exactly gives me the right to go and judge everyone else and label them as being not good enough? humm....probablly nothing. after spending a night with NICK last night, yes, you guessed it, my nick from thrifties, even he's lost his appeal. we went to the fountain head pub after subeez, and man let me tell you, as soon as we walked in, every single guy was whispering and staring at him. and im not even exagerating, i'd say atleast like 25 guys were cruising him, and all this time what am i thinking? about JESS> this imaginary character on TV who obviously has not and will never lose his appeal, do you know why? since i will never meet him, he will forever hold his mystery. That is what attracts me. i am a mystery slut im gonna go and do something active now, maybe i'll go to the gym.
|