Growth
Wednesday, May. 22, 2002 - 7:03 p.m.

alchohol consumption = it doesn't really matter now does it?

I've grown in so many ways. Today, i was able to take a step back and embrace myself in a way i've never done before. I know this sounds incredibly cheezy, but, i can't explain to you how magical it was.

There i was, a pathetic sight to be seen by anyone. White gross shorts, bright green nike mesh tank, fluffy hair, and a leg that just seemed to give up on me. Apparently, i've done damage to a part of my leg muscles called the I-T band. And now, i am no longer able to run. I was feeling incredibly depressed, what would i do? My whole plan to get all slim, to look fabulous, all revolved around me being able to atleast move, but now, and then? BOOM, im handicapped.

Thats when it happened.

I flicked the TV in a last dismal attempt to lose myself in the hypnotic trance of daytime television. I was praying for an exciting episode of Jenny Jones to be on.

I didn't find Jenny.

What i did find was a show that i have not seen for literally, i'd say a year and a half? Felicity. It was the season finale. A 2 hour special, and as i started to watch, i could feel it. I could feel my youth, the grade 10 days of me, in my room, losing myself in this incredible show about life, about the life that i wanted. I felt so liberated. If there was one show that really saved me through my darkest days, i'd have to say it was this show. It often lent out this indescribable inspiration. I felt independant, i wanted to live like the characters, i wanted to BE felicity. What would i do when i was depressed during highschool? i'd watch a Tape of felicity. I loved this show THAT much.

So as im watching the Season finale, i start to feel incredibly sad at the same time. I've always told myself that i wanted to get back into the show, and now? its too late, the show is ending forever. But again, felicity comes to the rescue.

In this episode, Noel dies, and felicty goes back to the wiccan priest who she seeks to undo this time spell that megan did. Upon doing so, she is asked to re-describe and live through all the events from season one, my highschool days. And they started showing snippets from the beginning.

"You just finished a chapter of your life, but in order to move on to the next, you have to end it this chapter"

And i just realized how my situation was so similar to felicities. I am now going into my second year of University life. the past is behind me.

I have to end this chapter, i have to look past all the doubts i've had, all the questionings within myself, and i have to just know that i CAN do this. I can live my life, even if i have no love from anyone. I dont need it, all i have is myself. I have to do it for myself.

"this chapter will always be a part of you"

I will find strength within my archives